This Post Sucks

There are points in my life where things just get too much, where I slowly add more and more to my plate until I overwhelm myself. Life loses meaning. I lose confidence in myself. I lose hope in the universe. These three seem to be basic elements that rest upon one another much like a triangle. The removal of one brings the whole structure down.

Paralysis by analysis can quickly follow because there is no logical solution to figuring out what to do first when all three elements are contingent upon one another. They cannot be worked on separately, but the logician in me knows that this is how projects are handled: in a neat, linear fashion.

Alas, I find it hard to get used to the messiness of making my way through life after so much pressure for so long telling me to find the 'right' answer to one question after the other.

Of course these emotions (or lack thereof) are felt in relation to something else. I don't (or do not allow myself) to see the meaning in aspirations I've held. It's like I've disconnected myself from feeling how dope it's be to create music, write a story, improve my team, feel healthier, build a tribe, complete an Ironman, find a partner, reconnect with Economics, continue exploring Complexity.

Maybe I'm protecting myself from being overwhelmed. Maybe I already am overwhelmed and am coping with burnout by disconnecting emotionally. Just writing that paragraph is mentally exhausting.

I've read enough self help books to know intellectually what to do. Take a break. Focus on one thing at a time. Break down your goals into doable chunks. All sound advice. But I also hear many say that we shouldn't feel bad about feeling bad, and oftentimes the urgency I feel to stop feeling bad lands me in a worse position than before, so I think I'll take my time with this.