Conversing With A Child

After a long day at work, the motivation to practice to write and practice takes a hit. There's a voice inside that's saying "I've been a good boy all day and now I deserve to have a break and have some fun."

Normally I either assent or force myself to do whatever it my optimistic, caffeine-topped morning self had planned for the day. Rarely do I engage with that voice. If I did, our conversation would go along these lines...

"We had to go home, practice piano and bass, start a new chapter in our novel and continue that song we've been working on."

"Yes but I've been working all day. It's been a tough day. I've had to force myself to work on that course. I've had to force myself to work on my TV appearance. Now I've been a good boy and I deserve to not keep being forced to work.”

"Fair enough, but creating art isn't work. It isn't supposed to feel like work."

"In theory, no. But you're telling me musicians and writers always feel that way?"

"When they don't they power through."

"You can choose to ignore me. I'm not the boss, I'm just the child. All I said was I don't feel like practicing and having to think. And I think I gave a valid reason. Why does this upset you?"

"I feel like we're losing time. I feel like we're being lazy. I'm afraid that this lack of motivation means it isn't my true calling."

"Isn't this a bit like being afraid a woman isn't "the One" because you had an argument? Maybe you're putting too much pressure on your relationship with your song and your story. Which is why it feels like work, not play."

"You may be right. But what about discipline? I'm not going to go far if I don't hunker down and get shit done at some point."

"Yes, but discipline needs balance unless you want to burn out and quit altogether. You're generalising one instance. Don't you feel like a rest was warranted?"

"Yes, but perhaps we could have rested in a better way."

"Like?"

"Let's see. We visited our parents, where we ate any random thing that crossed our path. Then we watched YouTube and Maury Povich all evening."

"Yes, but what could we have done instead?"

"Watch a movie. Something smart. Or something higher quality."

"Isn't that a different form of pushing us? Why would I want to struggle with a film that's dealing with heavy concepts after a long eight hours thinking about ESG, valuations, and general office politics related stress?"

"Man, I just don't want to waste time. I'm getting older and fatter. I cannot keep doing the same thing."

"Have we ever spoken before?"

"No."

"Well then, there you go. You're doing something different."

"Fair enough. So what do I do?"

"You're still fresh. It's a new day. You rested up and now you're energised. As you can tell, your guilt drains your energy, but now you understand. Oh, and didn't we also jam along to drum tracks for fun?"

"Oh yeah, guess we did."

"Forgot all about that, did you? You see guess it wasn't so unproductive. I get bored of watching Maury too, you know."

"One thing I see is that I'm headed in the right direction. I'll be honest, I cannot see too far ahead, and that scares me. But I'm taking one step at a time. Another thing I realise is that as I improve, the definition of "play" changes. One day it'll mean being able to improvise along with a jazz track by feeling rather than thinking."

"There you go. And remember you don't have to listen to me. I may be wrong sometimes but at the end of the day I want what's best for us. It's just that, as you see, it takes time to actually communicate well, even with your own parts."